Miscarriage. It happens..a lot. But rarely spoken of. Why? Does it make people feel uncomfortable? Is it because people don’t know what to say? How to respond? Or maybe it’s because of something entirely different.
The statistics of miscarriage are actually quite alarming, to me anyway. Someone that you know – has probably suffered from one, and that’s heartbreaking.
Although I was told from a young age, that it would be very difficult to fall pregnant, I was able to – and I sometimes feel so guilty about it. Which makes me all that more grateful.
We decided to try for another baby towards the end of 2015. With no success for a while – but I remained grateful because of our first.
One morning, I decided to take a test. POSITIVE!! I was so excited. I took another to confirm. I decided to make a trail for my fiancé to find when he got home from work. He followed all the clues and found the tests in his PS4 game drawer.
After the excitement – we agreed on the 12 week rule. A week or so later, I lost it. It – because we will never know what she\he was.
We didn’t speak about it. Not really to anyone.
In a short amount of time we had; two miscarriages, one unconfirmed – I just knew- and a false positive test – why the fuck does that even exist?
‘It could have been worse, you could have been further along’ ‘It happens’ ‘Just try again’.
As much as I do understand that yes, it could have been a lot harder.. it was still hard.
The way people come off, when you have an early miscarriage, is that you shouldn’t be sad. You’re kind of denied the grief because people act like it’s no big deal. I think that’s one of the hardest things – feeling like your sadness is insignificant.
I sort of shut off and neglected my feelings. When I managed to fall pregnant with my youngest, I was at the antenatal clinic and they said ‘sorry about your previous loss’ I replied with. ‘Oh no, that’s okay, could have been worse.’
It was kind of an automatic response. To just shut off, and pretend it was all good.
Miscarriage is shit. It feels shit, and I think it should be okay for people to talk about it when they need to. No matter what stage it happened.
If you don’t know how to respond to someone that’s talking about it – that’s okay, just listen. Give them your ears and your heart. There’s nothing better than having someone that listens in order to understand rather than listening, simply to respond.
Take a deep breath. Cry if you need to, talk if you need to. Accept your grief – do not ignore it.