Welcoming a New Start

Another night of binging Netflix, scrolling facebook and stalking fit people on Instagram, oh yeah, I better not forget the occasional google – “can I become rich by eating donuts and having naps?”. Every morning, a little bit of regret gushes over me. I wouldn’t be this tired if I would just go to sleep when the kids did.

Welcome to me. Want the run down? Probably not but here it is anyway, it’s okay you can skip it, I promise not to be offended..maybe..not offended much.
My names Kasey, 22 years old, two daughters and a fiancé/manchild. I’ll introduce you guys to my family a bit later on.
I stay home with the girls, typical 1950’s. Except I suck at organisation, don’t wear an apron and manchild helps out heaps when he can.
I’m insecure as hell, nervous, honest and to be frank, I’m not quite sure what else. See, the whole reason I’m starting this, is not just because I’ve always wanted to, but it’s because I need to.

I’m the kind of person who will stare at a message for at least 30 minutes before sending it, adding a haha even when I’m being serious. The kind of person that will judge myself, but not someone else. All too often people are their own worst critic, and I’m trying to learn to be my number one fan- confident, but not a cocky asshole.
I want my daughters to love themselves, but how can they learn to do that, if their mum stares in the mirror for an hour pulling at her clothes and changing her outfit 5 times? Monkey see,  monkey do. Also the type that doesn’t do certain things, in fear of being a bad mum. I have much to say, which is another reason why this will help.

I want to share my journey, my life, so that it may help another. If there’s anyone at all that can relate, anyone that can get a bit of motivation or even just for something to do at 2am in the morning when they can’t sleep, then how great is that!?
I need to share this so it’s out. Out for the world to see. Out for people that hate or like me, for those that I do and don’t see, do and don’t know. You get the point.
I need to share this to help me overcome all the things that I always say I’m going to, but never do.
I need to share this so that I can find me. So cliché, yes I am aware.

Being comfortable in your own skin is actually so hard to do. I use to get annoyed by confident people and now I admire them. It’s funny how your perceptions change of others when your view of yourself changes.  Typical problems with weight, parenthood, anxiousness and down right silly phobias, I will conquer- I will TRY. Try being the key word because, simply trying, is a big step for me. But, I need help, I need a venting area, a place where, hopefully, someone can read and relate too. ‘Why don’t you just get a diary or something?’ Well because I’ve tried that already. Maybe, just maybe, having this ‘blog’, public, so that any Billy, Bob and Susan down the street can read it, will motivate me. Motivate others too. That’s what I hope for, but if not then boo that sucks, at least I tried, right??

If you’re still reading this, thank you. If you would like to follow the journey, please do so. If not, that’s fine too.  This is just a start line, I hope you’ll be there for the finish!

Im actually freaking the hell out typing this because I’m so afraid of peoples opinions, its crazy. But in saying that, it’s one of the main reasons I’m doing this. To get the fuck over it.
Will I actually post this? Who knows.
 – Oh look, I actually did.