Being in love is easy, but keeping and maintaining a relationship isn’t.
Yeah, some people just click and flow. But there comes a time where even they, will have to put in work.
Whether it be organising a date night once a month or letting the other watch a show you find utterly ridiculous.
If it’s worth it – you don’t give up. There are points where, if I’m honest, I’ve wanted to.
Times where I’ve just wanted to call it quits. But I haven’t. Every day..well most, I’m thankful that I haven’t.
Sometimes the only reason I stayed (at the time) was because of our girls and because I know that I’m a psycho.
My paranoia causes many problems. But for the most part – my partner deals exceptionally well.
I was and sometimes still am, the type of person that if someone says something that really hurts me, I’ll say anything in order to hurt them more. It’s a disgusting thing to do, it was my self-defence mechanism for too long.
People put up this false image of love and it gives me the absolute shits. Why lie? Love is beautiful, in all the bad and in all the good. Embrace the fucking shitty times, it helps. Sometimes makes for a brilliant joke in the future.
My partner and I have been through, a hell of a lot. He has done and dealt with more things than most, in a shorter time than most too…and so have I.
Every person has their ‘life baggage’. Some, more than others, (me, I am well over the baggage limit). If you’re not willing to help lug it around, then don’t pretend to. I am blessed with a bloke that is willing to hold it above his head, up a mountain and in the rain.
Now – because of my paranoia, I think- well shit, he’s going to slip down soon and make a run for it. So I cause an issue. Not completely on purpose, but a problem nonetheless. Because I feel like he will leave eventually – I try to rush it. I push away so that it’s easier for me. Of course that’s dumb and I’m crazy. I haven’t done it in a while because I’m growing – mentally. About time, I know.
I have a tendency to remember the negative. Which is something opposite to my partner. I think that is something that’s really hard for him. Which I completely understand.
I also felt as though he was too good for me- so I’d feel guilty for him being with me in general.
It doesn’t help that I have a habit of putting myself into other people’s shoes too much. Even fictional people in movies. I’ll sit there bawling because I imagine that it was me. Whereas manchild – he likes his own shoes, and will just listen to others instead of feeling their emotions. Which – isn’t bad but it does cause some arguments. Because I’m way too emotional\involved and he isn’t. But then again it works because he can be super comforting because he isn’t a sooky like me and then sometimes he thinks I’m a complete idiot and tells me to get over it. Which is what most people would do, it’s balance.
I’m not here to air our dirty laundry, I’m here to make sure people realise that love means loving someone even when their like me. It’s not all about how many people come to your wedding. It’s not about how many flowers he buys you, or if she fills the fridge with beer and invites your boys over and leaves for the night. It’s about being honest, loyal and trustworthy. Accepting them with all their flaws, helping them reach their goals, finding a balance – maintaining a friendship.
Don’t lose yourself in the expectations of the fantasy of love.
We lost ourselves when we had kids, I changed tremendously. But he is my best friend – and that I don’t want to lose.
Don’t take your partner for granted because of love. Love is only part of it. Make effort, stay involved and be genuine.
Love is easy – staying connected isn’t.