Being truly overwhelmed is something I thought I had experienced, and to a degree, I have. In a positive light, in a positive way, I have been completely overwhelmed. But the other night, was something different.
Does anyone else, find themselves not being able to sleep and start thinking of absolutely random, terrible, sometimes completely unlikely, scenarios?
I remember one night, I couldn’t sleep and my brain came up with this scenario:
A fire started, and i had only slept in a t-shirt. I got the kids and fiance up and outside, but I stayed back to get some pants because I couldn’t be seen with just a shirt on. But I took too long.
So after imagining that, I got up and put my pj pants on because well.. Just in case.
Or I start thinking about loved ones passing away and start bawling my damn eyes out.
But the other night, I was thinking of everything.
I couldn’t switch it off.
I felt happy, in love, sad, anxious, excited, uncomfortable, surrounded, alone, guilty, proud – overwhelmed.
I didn’t know what was going on. I was lost within my own feelings and not knowing how to slow them down.
My partner looked at me, with one eye open, half asleep and said, “Stop thinking. Go to sleep, it’s all fine” and went back to his snooze town that makes him sound like a trombone.
Oh goodness did I try. I tried to switch off.
I shut my eyes but it didn’t stop it. I tossed and turned, sat up, got a drink, went back to bed, laid back down and stared at the ceiling.
Nope. Still, my heart was pounding fast, then slow, fast and then normal.
Our feelings don’t just mess around with our mental side, they physically affect us too. A lot of people don’t actually understand that.
It got to 230am and I started to calm my brain, trying to focus on one emotion/thought. It helped, took a while but it helped.
Legitimately, it made me feel utterly exhausted. Nope, I didn’t run a marathon, or do anything physical, yet I was drained.
This isn’t something that happens to me very often, well, the not sleeping and thinking of random crap, that does, but the emotional tsunami, not so much.
I think for me, and pretty sure others, is that when there’s a lot going on, especially a lot of random things, all of a sudden, our body and mind just gets a bit confused.
My brain wasn’t in automatic mode anymore, it was in manual.
It was time for me to figure out how to piece it together; which feeling, to what thought.
Give your mind a break. Sometimes we can’t just drift along, sometimes we have to take the oar and steer.
Might feel impossible, but it’s the only option you have, if you want to get to your destination.
Close your eyes, do slow, deep breathing, focusing on the breaths you take.
You are in control.
And so am I.