Look at this photo! Wait, no don’t.

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“Say cheese!”
I say from behind the camera.
My safe zone.

It’s no secret, anymore, that I don’t like photos. I’ll take a selfie- rarely. I’ll take a photo with the kids or my partner, sometimes with friends. But notice that it’s, I’ll, take the photo. Ya know – up high, angled, no body shots.
I was flicking through our photos the other day and I realised that, at a lot of important things, or even just somewhere nice, I’m nowhere to be seen. Photos act as reminders to memories, I love looking back at photos. Whether it’s of; my parents before they had my brother and I, back in my more confident days, or back when the kids were younger. It’s fantastic. But I, for the silly reason of being self-conscious, don’t get in them.

We went away to Batemans Bay, NSW, for a few nights, after Christmas. It was such a refreshing getaway, I just want to go back. We went to the beach, a zoo, Putt Putt
golf and plenty of other things – I felt so uncomfortable doing.
When we got to the zoo, I took a photo of the girls and manchild at the entry. mogo

“Your turn” he says.
“MY TURN!? What the.. no, I’m alright, time to go in.”
“Not this time. You’re getting photos, I don’t care, get in”

So, with a crappy feeling in my stomach, I walked over and I got in a simple photo, with the kids, at a new zoo, at a new memory. Throughout the day, my partner forced me to get in a whole bunch. In every one, I am either standing behind the stroller or my eldest, or crouching, or lets be real – standing behind something or in some way, as to hide part of my body. BUT – I got in the photo. It’s actually bloody great; I already find myself looking back at the photos and think ‘yep, so glad he made me do that’.

No one else has to see the photographs that I don’t particularly feel all that great about – unless someone else has the photo and they decide to upload it on Facebook and tag me- WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS!?  But it’s good to have them, for me, for the kids.
I know of some people that are in the same frame of mind as me on this, and if you’re another, then please – get in the photo. It might not seem important to you now- maybe not to you ever – but it could be to someone else.

Everyone has someone they love pass away, a shitty part of life, but a part of life nonetheless. When I feel really down about a passed away loved one – I look at photos. It’s sometimes nice to even look at photos of myself with that loved one. But what hurts is when there isn’t any. Sounds superficial, but it does, it fucking sucks.  So yeah – let’s just do it. Get that photo. If you really, really hate it – I guarantee, in the future, you won’t. Someone-someday will even be thankful for it.

Self confidence is a big, big topic for me. Photos is just one, minuscule section. But I’m not going to rush myself.
Someone said to me the other day “Aw, well you should be alright with it all now – that’s what you’re writing about”.
Yes, it is what I’m writing about, but I’m still taking it one day at a time. I may get in a photo today – but feel like a giant potato tomorrow and not get in one. Get my point?
I’m learning to accept myself. Whether that takes weeks or frigging years – I’m trying.
Now..

♪ Let me take a selfie♪
…With an angle and add a filter.



Author: kaselea

Mother of two. Sarcastic, honest, overthinker and a little crazy

2 thoughts on “Look at this photo! Wait, no don’t.”

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