It’s quite late, the kids and my fiancé are asleep. I complained to myself all day about being tired but as soon as the time comes, i’m wide awake in bed, staring into the dark. So, I reach over and grab my phone- again.
That’s me. Every. Single. Night.
I find myself scrolling through Facebook, not even looking at anything, just pointlessly scrolling. I then close it, go onto Instagram and do the same thing. After I do that, I’ll look at the time, lock my phone, put it next to me and close my eyes. Knowing damn well that I’m going to open them in 10 minutes and get back on my phone.
Eventually I start looking at those ‘instafamous’ people. The mum ones or the fitness ones- I bet all of my savings –all 5 cents- that at least 1 of you reading this can come up with someone that I’m talking about.
Those ridiculously fit, tanned, rich people that you look at and think – fuck. I need to stop eating so much shit- if like me, you say that and then immediately start thinking of what you’re going to eat and do the next day.
‘OK, right. That’s it. Tomorrow, I’m going to have one egg, some spinach and mushroom for breakfast, do 100 sit ups, walk for an hour and meal prep…Maybe make some healthy smoothies.’
HA HA HA. No mate. Don’t lie to yourself. Unless you’re not like me and actually do all that. If you are someone that manages to keep your word about all that, good on you.
I always say such unrealistic things after looking at those people that have clearly, been looking after themselves for years.
The next morning arrives and I realise I’ve slept for about two hours, I’ve only got three eggs, the spinach is off and my eldest has emptied out all the mushrooms throughout the fridge. So, I make the kids their scrambled eggs and I have a coffee – not too strong cause let’s face it, I don’t want to have to go to the toilet straight away. Too much information? Sorry.
The rest of the day I eat whatever I can find because, I don’t prepare for the week when I grocery shop. I find whatever is on special and BANG, chuck it in the trolley. Not literally. 9 times out of 10, I shop online.
ANYWAY- enough rambling on.
I have a tendency to compare myself when doing the whole, night time social media thing; surely i’m not the only one?
Whether it’s comparing myself to the mum who seems to have everything organised, works a 9-5 job yet manages to have a clean house all the time. Or comparing to those people that manage to look frigging awesome every day.
Look, I know it’s actually quite normal – stupid– but normal, for people to compare themselves, in some way.
We’re all different. We all have our own struggles, and social media is social media.
People only put on what they want you to see. Nobody is going to put a photo of their biggest insecurity/dislike on Facebook. ‘I really hate my scar here, and the cellulite around it’.
Nobody is going to put up a post about when they fight with their partner. ‘My wife and I went out for dinner tonight, she said I looked at a lady for too long, so I said fuck off and now we’ve been fighting for 4 hours and i’m sleeping on the lounge.’ Actually, scratch that – some people might post that, but not many.
So, let’s try this.
If you’re like me – let’s try to not compare so much, or maybe – we can try compare in a different way.
‘Oh she has a nice body, that’d be nice’ is different than saying ‘my body is so shit, I wish it looked like hers, maybe I’ll only eat lettuce.’
Personally, i’m going to accept the fact that comparing is just something I do. I’m not going to hate myself for doing it anymore. I often cause myself more trouble, by feeling guilty for comparing.
Let’s accept that sometimes, you are going to say things like ‘I wish I had her hair’ or ‘wish my house looked like that’ and that’s okay.
But don’t beat yourself up over someone else or something else. You are you. What you have – be grateful for.
Change the way we compare – and then eventually, hopefully – we won’t compare so much.